I’ve been thinking about what he said to me. About “living in the past” and just letting everything go. I realized it’s not even about the past anymore. It’s about what’s happening right now. It’s about how much I still love him to this very day.  It’s simply that that’s so hard letting go. That feeling. I just can’t help but still care so much for the guy. With everything that we’ve been through in the past that love between us grew and made us strong. And to all of a sudden to just…let it go, it’s difficult because we built that love.

Love is an intense feeling between two people. I found it in someone that I truly care about, and I’m not saying that I can’t find it in another person because he wasn’t my first love, but it’s just…I never felt it or experienced it the way he made me feel it. It was different. It was genuine and it’s something I’m just not ready to let go. It’s like once you’ve been in love, you just don’t want to ever let go of that feeling. Because it is the greatest feeling of all. I just thought that once you already have that love you’d both work to never lose sight of it and to never give up on it. 

I don’t know what more I can say. I’m not living in the past. I’m not sad because I want to relive what happened before. I admit, sometimes I wish I could because they have been the greatest moments of my life too, but I know it’s impossible. I’m sad because I still love him so much and I can’t do anything about it except to let it go and move on. That’s what’s hurting me right now. Accepting the fact that we may never go back to that path again. I felt like I really lost someone great in my life and that bond between us.